March Break 2015: How to deal with beach envy

It's not that you're a hateful person. No, not you. Never you.

It's just that the thought of your co-worker sipping a cold Corona on the beach this March Break — while you shovel yourself out — throws you into a Jack-Nicholson-at-the-end-of-the-Shining kind of rage.

Put down the axe and take a deep breath — it's only human.

"One of the most common manifestations of being a social animal is that we frequently compare ourselves with others. It is inborn," said Warren Thorngate, emeritus professor in the psychology department at Carleton University.

"It often leads us to make social comparisons on dimensions that are downright silly. Consider, for example, the Guinness World Records, and the competitions it documents for such things as the world's biggest bubblegum bubble or the world's biggest pizza."

It's a theme that has appeared repeatedly in Amy Muise's research into relationships and social media.

"It's a natural human thing to do. We compare where we're at to where they're at," she said. "It might make us feel sort of less satisfied with our lives with the things we're have or the things we're doing."

'You've been injected with hibernation fluid'

The vacation envy is bearing down on Michelle Hauser. The Napanee-based freelance writer tracked her friends' and family's sunny vacations in her article, "Diary reveals debilitating case of vacation envy."

Their vacations down south only seemed to compound her seasonal affective disorder.

"The more people I knew were going away, the worse I was feeling," she said.

"You feel like you've been injected with hibernation fluid.… You basically white-knuckle through February and you flip the page of the calendar and March is so huge. You forget. March is enormous. There is way too much March."

It seems anyone who didn't already take a winter vacation is heading south for the March Break.

"I was with my mother-in-law at an eye clinic in Kingston and there was this woman who wouldn't stop talking about every vacation she ever went on and I actually felt aggressive towards this poor woman," said Hauser.

If you feel like the last person staying in Canada, here are steps to avoid March Break envy:

Remember, Facebook is a lie

The opportunity to become envious is staggering.

Facebook boasts 890 million daily active users. As of December 2014, Instagram had 300 million monthly active users.

That's a lot of bikini photos.

Morgan Weese, 23, left, and Brittany Locke sun bathe in Miami Beach, Fla. during their vacation. (J. Pat Carter/Associated Press)

"It's this constant reminder. It never leaves. And then if you're on your computer then all the people are trying to sell you vacation packages, trying to sell you vacation ready outfits. You can't escape it," Hauser said.

"Meanwhile, my husband wants to take a selfie with a zero credit card balance."

Muise points out people's social media pages are a curated version of themselves. It's your friends — but in better lighting.

"You see all these fun photos people are posting on the beach but they probably didn't share the plane delay they had or the frustration of travel or a lot more of the negative aspects," she said.

"They have some control of what you're able to see."

Muise says similar feelings may come around during the wedding season.

"Facebook gives us all these opportunities to compare ourselves and our own lives to other people and what they're sharing," she said.

"But with our lives we know all the good and bad and the ups and the downs. But we only know what people are sharing about their lives on Facebook."

Remind yourself what you're grateful for

Muise says people can cope with social media envy by reminding themselves of the good things going on in their lives.

"I might be able to protect myself by thinking, 'Oh I'm just starting a new job this year. But next year I'm going to have the money and I'm going to be able to go away and do that as well,'" she said.

"Or, 'Yeah, they're away but I have these great plans this weekend with these friends I haven't seen. So that will be fun even though it's so cold and terrible here.'"

Muise says Facebook envy becomes more of a problem when people are already suffering from self-esteem problems.

Unplug

Hauser said seeing beach photos "was kind of driving me mad." It can be discouraging to see different friends posting the same feet in the sand photo over and over.

Thorngate said social comparison leads to social influence.  

Amy Muise says people she interviewed for her research told her nothing is "real" until it's on Facebook. ((iStock))

"For example, if we see a few people posting photos of their feet on the web, we are slightly more likely to do the same," he said.

"If we do, then we add to the number of people posting feet photos, which can influence others to do the same, which can snowball into a social movement."

Movement or not, Hauser said she's going to try to stay off Facebook this week as much as she can.

"Why put yourself right in the path of it when you know you can't go anywhere? If you've given up chocolate for Lent, staring at a chocolate cake isn't going to help you to avoid it," she said.

Put it all in perspective

For Christmas, Hauser's husband gifted her with books, including The Endurance: Shackleton's Legendary Antarctic Expedition and Farley Mowat's Ordeal by Ice.

"I thought, I think I'm going to stab my husband with a knife," she said.

But he has a point.

"He wants us to just accept the winter," she said. "Get in to comparative hardship theory."

Finishing a book about pioneers shivering through their first North American winter, or adventurists braving the elements to climb Mount Everest puts winter in perspective.

"But I think he realizes next year, we definitely need to go somewhere," said Hauser.

Steer clear of post-vacation conversations

Even when the photos end, the post-vacation talk can put you on edge.

Oh, the food at your all inclusive hotel was bad? I feel so bad for you.

"You don't want to be sucking on your case of sour grapes," Hauser said. "I like to take the high road."

She says she'll just try to stay clear of those post-vacation talks.

And if you decide not to take the high road, maybe you take a deep breath and imagine beach sand in all the wrong places, babies crying on that flight to Paris, and the radiating heat from your in-laws' sun burns.

Smile on.

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